one way or another you learn to leave well enough alone
some nights you order another round and you wake up driving home
but there's only one way for an alley cat to learn right from wrong

sit with me for a while and I'll try to recap
how I went to sleep in linen sheets and woke up in the briar patch

I was looking for a girl who knew how to play the part
who would always act surprised even when she knew it from the start
and who only knows how to tell a lie from the bottom of her heart

just when I thought I'd found the perfect catch
I crept beneath her linen sheets and woke up in the briar patch

one minute I'm a St. Bernard coming when you call
the next I'm a crazy little girl switching the heads on all her dolls
it's no wonder I so often find myself up against a wall

no matter how hard I try to stay unattached
I start off wrapped in linen sheets and end up in the briar patch

I cause so much mischief but try to understand
it's hard enough to be a boy much less act like a man
but who can blame the bugle boy for wanting to lead the band

it's always been my way one step further then she'll match
to play for keeps 'neath linen sheets and pay up in the briar patch

 — Allegheny Morning Sky